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April 24, 2009


I dreamt of the folly past.

All the past regrets, hatred, anger, remorse, pity and a glimpse of happiness, shall always be an integral part of my memory.

However, the dream was a surprise. I thought its aftermath has faded.

In the dream I was still cautious, but no longer bear hatred. In the dream — has changed to – —- —— —— —- — was.

 — —, in reality? I doubt so, but it shall be a good thing — — if — did.

Yes, the —— has faded some time ago. In retrospect — — the correct thing, and I was frivolious. 

It’s just that I think that it is better to go on separate path of life from now on. I guess, this is one of the few things that –had consensus on. 

— can’t go back to how it was can –? Or at least I don’t intend to.

But I do hope that like the dream I had, — became a —— ——. Although I don’t think I will ever know, nor would I ask about it.

Still, its good to be able to dream.

At present, life goes on.



Am I a better person than I was? I ponder upon the question sometimes.

I hate that naive and idiotic child. But I do adore his purity and his passion for dream. And the tranquility that I don’t get to enjoy oftenly these days.

I guess I am less naive now, knowing more about the imperfectness of the society and how to cricumvent it, and capable to things that I never thought I could do before.

I am closer to my dream than before, but at the same time I am further away.

Learning more about my dream cast a shade of doubt over myself. While stubornly persist my dream, I am less certain about it now. And I am no longer that motivated.

Ah where has my flare gone? 

But I wish to keep that little promise to myself, no matter what it brings me to.

With that little flare, I walk into the future.



 In the near future, I shall have my exam. No longer as confident as I did in high school time, especially since i learn that the ability to apply the theorem in a new manner, rather than understand and knowing all the theorem, is the key to solve linear algebra questions. 

Well, doing past year question do help, but the new type of questions always appear.

Would I do well enough to maintain my CAP? Not that maintaining it is too important, just don’t want to demoralized myself for the next sem. lol

For the far future though, I am not really sure. Would like to keep my choice for future specialization open, since i think that it takes time to discover one’s passion. (But Shu Heng, it is already year 1 sem 2 and you are going to decide in year 2 sem 2…sigh)

More importantly, am I capable of doing research work? I realize, that to come out with a genuine, meaningful paper is really a hard thing to do. (or else I won’t have that much headache now) Being a researcher is not really a far fetch dream….but being a researcher that can actually write good papers and journals and not just copy paste? 

Sigh. Shouldn’t really be worrying about that now. Back to LSM1401. And after that need to attempt to understand that journal on magnetic bearing.

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